Saturday, 12 January 2013
Parenting
What if I were to create a blog that were for parents to read to catch a different perspective? I have interesting ideas that relate to parenting that others may not have considered, is that enough to do that?
Saturday, 24 November 2012
Tough Times and Trials
There are so many times in our lives where we have the ability to pull a good thing from a bad situation. I have friends who are doing it tough, and things are rather hard with their youngest child being sick an awful lot. But we all see that it's going to be better in the future. It doesn't make it any easier in the mean time. The older kids are babysat often, and it gets difficult for them too, but it's still better than being in the hospital having to be quiet, which can be very difficult when you're younger than six.
My fiance and I have been through soooooo much. We have wisdom to surpass others in similar situations, and we still believe that it's all worth it. It's for the kids. It's for us. Family. We are worth it. It's really nice to see people around us who are also so family oriented. But we are seriously glad for the break every other week too. What I would really like though, is an actual break. No work, no housework, no responsibility for a day. But oh well. I signed up for this 7 years ago when I was pregnant with my first, and then again with my second, and again when I started a new relationship with someone who already had kids. Do I regret having kids? Not at all. Do I wonder if it would have been easier if I'd done it all later in life? No doubt. But I cannot change it, so accepting it is the only way to go.
While in a financial situation that isn't all that pleasant, you learn how to be tight. With a tough situation with sick kids, you learn to persevere. While juggling both these things, you eventually learn to be forward thinking and organised. I know I've picked this up faster than others have, but whatever happened to being spontaneous? Seems hardly fair that you can't be, even when the kids aren't at home.
My words to those facing anything like this?
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." (James 1:2, 3 NIV)
It may seem never ending, it may always lurk in the background. But, know that everything that happens now will make you stronger, with higher tolerance of things to come. The wisdom you can carry to another going through the same will be immeasurable.
You have strength enough for this.
Yes, YOU have strength enough for this.
My fiance and I have been through soooooo much. We have wisdom to surpass others in similar situations, and we still believe that it's all worth it. It's for the kids. It's for us. Family. We are worth it. It's really nice to see people around us who are also so family oriented. But we are seriously glad for the break every other week too. What I would really like though, is an actual break. No work, no housework, no responsibility for a day. But oh well. I signed up for this 7 years ago when I was pregnant with my first, and then again with my second, and again when I started a new relationship with someone who already had kids. Do I regret having kids? Not at all. Do I wonder if it would have been easier if I'd done it all later in life? No doubt. But I cannot change it, so accepting it is the only way to go.
While in a financial situation that isn't all that pleasant, you learn how to be tight. With a tough situation with sick kids, you learn to persevere. While juggling both these things, you eventually learn to be forward thinking and organised. I know I've picked this up faster than others have, but whatever happened to being spontaneous? Seems hardly fair that you can't be, even when the kids aren't at home.
My words to those facing anything like this?
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." (James 1:2, 3 NIV)
It may seem never ending, it may always lurk in the background. But, know that everything that happens now will make you stronger, with higher tolerance of things to come. The wisdom you can carry to another going through the same will be immeasurable.
You have strength enough for this.
Yes, YOU have strength enough for this.
Monday, 12 November 2012
Short and sweet.
So, it's off week again. I'm sitting in the Hobart office, so bored that I've re-read my entire blog, and wondered where I was a year ago. It's nice to catch up with myself. Things that have changed for the better, and maybe for the worse. The financial situation gets tighter, but I have come to realise that this is because of my partner and his insecurities. Having less than $100 in his bank account makes him panic. Whereas my personal opinion is if there's more than $20 in my account, I'm jumping for joy! For me, it's normally all gone by the Friday that I have the girls. This is okay with me, because I have finished my week with the kids by then. I won the weekend argument with my ex. I have the girls for a whole weekend starting Saturday mornings. It's for the better of the kids too. There are so many benefits.
Monday, 8 October 2012
Going with the Flow...
Sometimes old things come to bite you in the bum.
Sometimes they're good things, to help you along that linear path that no one has actually constructed.
Sometimes it's a boring old thing, that doesn't really need dealing with, but it's still there.
But when it's something that comes to bite you in the bum, you have to be wary. You have a few options: Go with the flow; Hide where it came from - no one will know; or RUUUUN!!!
My partner's ex keeps biting us in the bum. Asking for more money, all the time. Don't Child Support get used to it, and tell the women to shut up? I've been on both sides of that coin, and now we're on the we're-too-poor-to-pay-that-amount side. But other than write a report saying just that, there isn't a lot we can do.
Loan's come to bite you in the bum once your divorced. My ex and I cannot settle ours, as I'm a single mum on a pension, there's nothing we can do. And my new partner's loan with his ex is a house loan, and it's not going anywhere until the house is sold, and in this market, it may be a while (fingers crossed it isn't).
Going with the flow is what I do best, you see. I don't stand and demand change, because it makes a scene. I don't like being the centre of attention. I have to be at our mum's group, because I lead some of it. But I'm not all that comfortable all the time. I do like taking charge. But going with the flow and steering - THAT, I am good at.
Our problem at the moment, is constructing how we are going to live on so little while the ex's both live with more. It's something that's both bit us in the bum, and we have to go with the flow to deal with it. Neither of us are the people to stand up for something that can barely be argued, even though we are so angry about what she is asking for, and what a government agency are suggesting we pay. So, going with the flow, even though we want to RUN, is the most likely option.
Ugh.
Sometimes they're good things, to help you along that linear path that no one has actually constructed.
Sometimes it's a boring old thing, that doesn't really need dealing with, but it's still there.
But when it's something that comes to bite you in the bum, you have to be wary. You have a few options: Go with the flow; Hide where it came from - no one will know; or RUUUUN!!!
My partner's ex keeps biting us in the bum. Asking for more money, all the time. Don't Child Support get used to it, and tell the women to shut up? I've been on both sides of that coin, and now we're on the we're-too-poor-to-pay-that-amount side. But other than write a report saying just that, there isn't a lot we can do.
Loan's come to bite you in the bum once your divorced. My ex and I cannot settle ours, as I'm a single mum on a pension, there's nothing we can do. And my new partner's loan with his ex is a house loan, and it's not going anywhere until the house is sold, and in this market, it may be a while (fingers crossed it isn't).
Going with the flow is what I do best, you see. I don't stand and demand change, because it makes a scene. I don't like being the centre of attention. I have to be at our mum's group, because I lead some of it. But I'm not all that comfortable all the time. I do like taking charge. But going with the flow and steering - THAT, I am good at.
Our problem at the moment, is constructing how we are going to live on so little while the ex's both live with more. It's something that's both bit us in the bum, and we have to go with the flow to deal with it. Neither of us are the people to stand up for something that can barely be argued, even though we are so angry about what she is asking for, and what a government agency are suggesting we pay. So, going with the flow, even though we want to RUN, is the most likely option.
Ugh.
Thursday, 20 September 2012
Not All Things Lead Home
Somewhere randomly, something went wrong. Whether it was back in the Garden of Eden, or if it was at the point of the first tantrum for not getting what I wanted. Whenever it was, something went wrong. Something made it into my personality, so that I could not in anyway, possibly be perfect. This is not supposed to be a design flaw, but a chance to redeem ourselves in our own lives, and how we interact and react with others.
How does this make our lives easier? Surely everything would be easier for everyone if we were all perfect?
Perfection is something we can always strive for, but rarely achieve.
Being me is a rather hard. I'm a perfectionist, so that my friendships stay together. I get worried and paranoid that I'm going to hurt someone by what I say or do. Or annoy someone by a passing comment, or by something that I do different to them. It's a lot to keep up with. I don't make stable relationships easily, and normally it's with people who are REAL. As in, the one's that make mistakes, and are open about it. The one's that live their lives not giving two hoots about what other people think they are doing. My problem is, I seem to find everyone else shallow.
I've been wondering about aspergers in women. There was an online test where I was in the mid range for having aspergers. The test asked you questions about social situations, and how you understood things and up to 22 was normal, from 23 to 31 was slightly higher than average autistic traits, and 32 and above was showing a high degree of autistic traits. I had 30. Yeah. Go me.
But seriously, I had been suspecting this for years. My friend has said I cannot have it, because I'm nothing like her boys and husband. To be honest, how would a female with Aspergers be different to a male? It's so darn hard to recognise! There are so many things that a female does differently to men. But in all honesty, I feel I just want an excuse to put down the fact that I am so different to anyone else. My biological father is weird, and unsociable. not because he doesn't try, but he doesn't understand that he is so arrogant in what he says. He doesn't understand why what is funny to him isn't funny to anyone else.
My family have always thought I was weird. I didn't fit into their social group, I rarely opened up how I felt or expressed my opinion. I was always going to be wrong anyway. I can still remember when for my 15th birthday, my mother asked me what colour lamp I wanted for my birthday. It was a joke. Everyone in my family knew that I was orange everything. Orange t-shirts, pencil cases, wall paint, etc. So, whilst standing in the middle of Target, my mother is looking at me, jokingly waiting for me to say "Orange", when I turn around and say "Blue". I have NEVER lived that one down. From then on, my mother would randomly think about this very moment, and would on-the-spot turn to me, smack me over the back of the head and comment, "You got the blue one". From then on, I made my own choices. If I was going to get smacked over the back of the head for that decisions, I may as well made the decisions that I want to make, and deal with it.
From making my own decisions, I developed my own taste. I became picky about my clothes, and the colours I like. I hate red and lilac. I refused to wear them, buy pencil cases with those colours on them, lunch boxes, you name it. I think the least used coloured markers out of my connector pen collection are both the lilac and the plain red. Who knew that one little change of mind would lead to such a picky person to buy gifts for?
When buying me a gift, one should know that I buy things for practicality. I don't generally buy someone else an ornament or other, because it has no obvious use. It's just not practical! So as much as it's annoying that I buy boring things, like facial scrub pads in a new brand that I love, or a spiral notebook with your name etched on the front with it's intent labelled underneath, or even a set of headphones that are wireless but ugly, it's because they are useful, and I don't think you'd ever buy it for yourself. In terms of a gift for me, money will suffice, because I'm always after bookcases, I'm always after new notebooks, hairties and candles that smell like vanilla. I love getting new things that I want, or need. It makes me feel like even though I can't buy everything that I want, I can survive on the little necessities that are pretty. But even then you may never know what is right...
My mother still gets notebooks and pens for my presents. Although, now that we are not necessarily speaking, I get red ones. I wonder if I am supposed to be happy with the effort, when I know full well that the media pouch pocket from Smiggle with her much-loved owls on the front is a way better gift that she had attempted for the same Christmas? Does that mean that I should stop trying too? Seriously, I'd prefer the $10 that it would have cost to buy the red notebook and it's pen. Even if it was $5!
If a mother is willing to put the effort into a relationship with her daughter, does that show that all things lead home? Or does it live much to be desired?
How does this make our lives easier? Surely everything would be easier for everyone if we were all perfect?
Perfection is something we can always strive for, but rarely achieve.
Being me is a rather hard. I'm a perfectionist, so that my friendships stay together. I get worried and paranoid that I'm going to hurt someone by what I say or do. Or annoy someone by a passing comment, or by something that I do different to them. It's a lot to keep up with. I don't make stable relationships easily, and normally it's with people who are REAL. As in, the one's that make mistakes, and are open about it. The one's that live their lives not giving two hoots about what other people think they are doing. My problem is, I seem to find everyone else shallow.
I've been wondering about aspergers in women. There was an online test where I was in the mid range for having aspergers. The test asked you questions about social situations, and how you understood things and up to 22 was normal, from 23 to 31 was slightly higher than average autistic traits, and 32 and above was showing a high degree of autistic traits. I had 30. Yeah. Go me.
But seriously, I had been suspecting this for years. My friend has said I cannot have it, because I'm nothing like her boys and husband. To be honest, how would a female with Aspergers be different to a male? It's so darn hard to recognise! There are so many things that a female does differently to men. But in all honesty, I feel I just want an excuse to put down the fact that I am so different to anyone else. My biological father is weird, and unsociable. not because he doesn't try, but he doesn't understand that he is so arrogant in what he says. He doesn't understand why what is funny to him isn't funny to anyone else.
My family have always thought I was weird. I didn't fit into their social group, I rarely opened up how I felt or expressed my opinion. I was always going to be wrong anyway. I can still remember when for my 15th birthday, my mother asked me what colour lamp I wanted for my birthday. It was a joke. Everyone in my family knew that I was orange everything. Orange t-shirts, pencil cases, wall paint, etc. So, whilst standing in the middle of Target, my mother is looking at me, jokingly waiting for me to say "Orange", when I turn around and say "Blue". I have NEVER lived that one down. From then on, my mother would randomly think about this very moment, and would on-the-spot turn to me, smack me over the back of the head and comment, "You got the blue one". From then on, I made my own choices. If I was going to get smacked over the back of the head for that decisions, I may as well made the decisions that I want to make, and deal with it.
From making my own decisions, I developed my own taste. I became picky about my clothes, and the colours I like. I hate red and lilac. I refused to wear them, buy pencil cases with those colours on them, lunch boxes, you name it. I think the least used coloured markers out of my connector pen collection are both the lilac and the plain red. Who knew that one little change of mind would lead to such a picky person to buy gifts for?
When buying me a gift, one should know that I buy things for practicality. I don't generally buy someone else an ornament or other, because it has no obvious use. It's just not practical! So as much as it's annoying that I buy boring things, like facial scrub pads in a new brand that I love, or a spiral notebook with your name etched on the front with it's intent labelled underneath, or even a set of headphones that are wireless but ugly, it's because they are useful, and I don't think you'd ever buy it for yourself. In terms of a gift for me, money will suffice, because I'm always after bookcases, I'm always after new notebooks, hairties and candles that smell like vanilla. I love getting new things that I want, or need. It makes me feel like even though I can't buy everything that I want, I can survive on the little necessities that are pretty. But even then you may never know what is right...
My mother still gets notebooks and pens for my presents. Although, now that we are not necessarily speaking, I get red ones. I wonder if I am supposed to be happy with the effort, when I know full well that the media pouch pocket from Smiggle with her much-loved owls on the front is a way better gift that she had attempted for the same Christmas? Does that mean that I should stop trying too? Seriously, I'd prefer the $10 that it would have cost to buy the red notebook and it's pen. Even if it was $5!
If a mother is willing to put the effort into a relationship with her daughter, does that show that all things lead home? Or does it live much to be desired?
Tuesday, 22 May 2012
Fictional Justice
I just want to say fuck
fuck fuck it. I’ve just finished a Jodi Picoult book, and while
they are interesting and intruiging, the endings are just about the
winning of the court case. I want to know what happened to the girl.
Seriously. What’s so hard about wanting to know about that? Because
sometimes in life things don’t get fully explained? That’s what I
want out of life though, for things to be fully explained. Just the
way I like them.
It isn’t too hard to
fully explain all the details in a book, nor on paper form for
anything. But I suppose in the justice system, things go unexplained.
I’d hate to be a lawyer for that reason. The thought of not being
told the whole truth isn’t fathomable for me. It’s just the way I
am built. Seriously. If you can’t follow the common rules of
respect for another, there need be no more respect shared between two
people. Maybe that’s another reason why my marriage failed. There
was no communication, so there was no truth, no story told. No
background. Therefore no respect to be given.
This book didn’t even
have a happy ending. After 18 years of friendship between 4 adults
and their kids, everything was thrown away. EVERYTHING. I would hope
that there was something to grasp on after such an event of a
daughter trying to commit suicide. But the boyfriend didn’t try to
pull the trigger, it was the girl who did it. But still, I want to
know more.
I also know that I’m
more frustrated now than I was before I finished the book. The ending
is SHIT. Don’t want to buy another fucken book like that, cause I
don’t want another disappointing ending that’s going to fail my
scrutiny. My high standards. That’s what’s wrong with me, isn’t
it? High standards? High expectations?
Things that I can’t
control. Will they be the death of me? It’s like this “learning
curve” of myself is actually doing my head in. I don’t have any
time to think for myself, because there is no time left! Please.... A
day to me! Sleep in for a bit. Tidy up the house a bit, and watch a
whole movie, uninterrupted. Like hell. Lock the front door, leave the
curtains closed, turn off the phone and watch a movie. That’s the
answer, but it’s not my answer. I feel like I’m on call 24/7, but
just to everyone else? What’s going on with me? It’s it possible
to turn off my phone, but then again, there’s a better question to
ask... Is it possible for me to have friends? I don’t trust them
for long enough. Or is it something else? Back to the “high
standards” we go.... :/
I’m upset, because I
really wanted this book to end with a “why” too the main
character wanting to commit suicide. Was it sexual abuse? Because I
think it was, but it doesn’t go into it, and personally, I wish it
did. Perverted as that sounds, I feel that that is a justified reason
for such a problem to become so catastrophic. Ludicrous.
Counselling starts next
week for me. I know that it’s a positive thing, but I’ll have to
remember to be real, instead of looking all happy clappy every week.
That doesn’t work, and it doesn’t achieve anything. I need
someone to know about my daily thought processes, and someone to know
that there are things that I find hard to not think, feel and believe
on a day to day basis.
I feel like life
friggen sucks right now. How will my world ever go on, if there is no
solid justice in it?
Friday, 18 May 2012
Primary Stress
After another night of not really sleeping much, I figured I could write about stress.
The things that plague me the most are what people say about me behind my back, the second most is the kids, in particular the boys, and then the care I get with the girls. Other things are money, because no matter how well I budget, I'm always short for the supermarket.
Generally in the last few fortnights, I've spent about $70-$120 in groceries at Coles, then I've gone to the fruit n veg market for $30 ish, then Kmart for basics, like clothes, bras etc. believe me, I'm desperate for the bras and the jeans at the moment. 3/4 pants in Tasmanian autumn is a KILLER. Other than that, my expenditure is rent, phone, electricity and my pet hatred, the loan that I have with my ex-husband. It's currently sitting on $22,144 owing. Yeah. That aint no small amount. When I subtract 6 thou from that, so that my ex pays for the car, then half the remaining amount to 8 thou, that's what I owe. And it isn't going anywhere soon.
The amount of care I get with my girls plagues me, simply because I feel like I never see them, and when I do, I'm always stressed. My partner and I have always agreed that Saturdays we will see our own kids separately to the other person, for one on one time, the only thing is, with the girls, this is the only day I see them out of school anyway! So, he normally comes along at some point, but we make a point of it for his kids, because they need the daddy time. Long story short, their mother is constantly saying nasty things to them about me, and they feel like daddy is going to leave them for me, so they need extra time with him.
I wont start about the boys, because that could take a few blogs of me whinging about his ex, houses and money, but I'll just say, we are grateful for the 5 days a fortnight that we get to prove that those kids are good kids, when they are given boundaries and good nutrition. It really isn't that hard, but it seems to be for the one who doesn't have any responsibility.
Thank God, that He gave me a decent brain, and I know how to use it.
The things that plague me the most are what people say about me behind my back, the second most is the kids, in particular the boys, and then the care I get with the girls. Other things are money, because no matter how well I budget, I'm always short for the supermarket.
Generally in the last few fortnights, I've spent about $70-$120 in groceries at Coles, then I've gone to the fruit n veg market for $30 ish, then Kmart for basics, like clothes, bras etc. believe me, I'm desperate for the bras and the jeans at the moment. 3/4 pants in Tasmanian autumn is a KILLER. Other than that, my expenditure is rent, phone, electricity and my pet hatred, the loan that I have with my ex-husband. It's currently sitting on $22,144 owing. Yeah. That aint no small amount. When I subtract 6 thou from that, so that my ex pays for the car, then half the remaining amount to 8 thou, that's what I owe. And it isn't going anywhere soon.
The amount of care I get with my girls plagues me, simply because I feel like I never see them, and when I do, I'm always stressed. My partner and I have always agreed that Saturdays we will see our own kids separately to the other person, for one on one time, the only thing is, with the girls, this is the only day I see them out of school anyway! So, he normally comes along at some point, but we make a point of it for his kids, because they need the daddy time. Long story short, their mother is constantly saying nasty things to them about me, and they feel like daddy is going to leave them for me, so they need extra time with him.
I wont start about the boys, because that could take a few blogs of me whinging about his ex, houses and money, but I'll just say, we are grateful for the 5 days a fortnight that we get to prove that those kids are good kids, when they are given boundaries and good nutrition. It really isn't that hard, but it seems to be for the one who doesn't have any responsibility.
Thank God, that He gave me a decent brain, and I know how to use it.
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