It's off week, in my house, and it's quiet, cold, and bare. The kids room is tidy for it's longest consecutive time in a month, and the freshly made cupcakes haven't been demolished. There's no need to worry about the school pick-up 20 minutes ago, and the 3 year old isn't craving my attention. Yep, it's DEFINITELY off week.
When we started the arrangement between the two houses, our head-spaces were shot with what was going to happen, the gossip of what had happened, and what we were to do here and now. We sorted an arrangement that best suited our girls, and we decided that no matter what crap happened between us, they would always be a priority.
It's the things that we didn't fine tune are the things that are plaguing me the most. I really want 2 weekend days for the girls and myself. I really want to spend all of mother's day with my kids. I don't want to wait until the school holidays to have a few hours of one on one time with my eldest. And I think that Sunday to Sunday only suits the opposing parent in this situation. From my perspective, Friday to Friday would be better for the kids. A weekend with the parent that they are about to spend the week with sounds like a better alternative to Sunday evening til Friday evening of the school house shuffle, THEN the weekend to have family time. But, because I'm the only one who see's this, I'm wrong. How lovely is that? And if I want it, I have to fight for it.
I wonder in the years to come, if my eldest will ask why we never spent time at Mummy's house on a Sunday? What will my answer be? Because your Father and his family decided that you couldn't? Geez, won't that be fun....
The week on, week off idea is a good one for parents who can easily communicate through their differences. So, obviously this doesn't work in the case of my partner and his ex, who cannot agree with anything if he does. Even down to who makes sure his kids wash their hands after the toilet, it has to be him. What rights does a mother actually have, when the children are in their father's care? I believe the problem that is actually occurring in this instance is the ex's insane jealousy.
More than a year ago, my partner was kicked out of the home he had almost finished building, because his wife had gotten annoyed, got into yet another argument, and blamed it on other people. She had said, it's either me and the kids, or your family, not both. He had said no, it wasn't up to her whether he saw his family or not, especially when they had done nothing wrong. Within weeks, she had started stories about the family "abusing" HER children, inappropriate touching between their (married) Aunt and Uncle, and how they had smacked her children without her permission (they didn't). Unfortunately, what she did not realise was that a LOT of people knew this family, and not one person even remotely believed her. A year later, she's removed all of the mutual friends from Facebook, bitches to anyone about her ex, that he left her for another woman. In the time that my partner and I have been together, there has always been a dramatic episode going on for her. About mid last year, I remember her saying that she's so sick, she might be dying soon. Munchausen's if you ask me! It's always one thing after another. There is always a problem, never a nice thing to say, and from my point of view, the children are ALWAYS in better care when they are within our responsibility.
Still, my point is week about isn't for every family, but it suits us fairly well.
Monday 30 April 2012
Thursday 26 April 2012
Being thankful in today's impolitely difficult world.
So, in my trials of the past week involving family and kids, and battles of custody, I've been challenged to think of 5 things to be thankful for each day. This can be easy, it can also be hard. Coming up with something different every day is obviously going to wear thin after a while.
There's some things that stand out above the rest. The ones that the girls and I thank God for every night at bedtime. Thank you God, for a roof over our heads, for food on the table, for the boys and my partner, for nice dreams, and more recently - for warmth.
This last one has come about due to the lack of heating in the place we currently rent. Tasmania is definitely one of the colder spots in Australia. At this time of year, it only takes an hour and a half's drive to go sit in the snow, so it's no wonder our house is cold, and we wear a lot of clothes both inside and out. At some point soon, I will have to tidy up the girls room and put locks on the cupboards so that the panel heater that I'm putting in there will be safe from the potential random clothes that my youngest throws out of the cupboards and all around the room.
The roof over our head began last year with a real estate encounter with miscommunication from their part, and probably ignorance from mine. We left our 1 bedroom unit, to move into a 2 bedroom closer to school, only to have it taken away from me the DAY that I was moving out. We spent 8-9 weeks staying with other people, and eventually even with my boyfriend, even though this is definitely not an ideal situation. We all learned that we need to be thankful that we have a roof over our heads, just in case it was so easily taken away again.
The food on the table is pretty much mandatory in most Christian homes. Nearly everyone says "grace" at meal times. You learn to appreciate food, when all that's left to feed 1 adult and 2 kids for 3 days is a packet of pasta, baked beans, tuna and a can of diced tomatoes. Believe me, you learn. You can learn other skills from this too. Like how to cook, starting with absolute basics.
In the way that we live and the people that we share our lives with when the girls are in my care, we see a lot of my boyfriend and his boys. I don't have a lot of family, especially seeing as when I was 14 we moved from Victoria to Launceston, Tasmania. So my external family is interstate. We've learned to make family out of what we have left. And well, there isn't a lot. But we love what we have. We support, care, nurture and encourage what we have. This, as most people would know, can be difficult, even in positive circumstances.
Lastly, the nice dreams is purely from the boys. They're known for having nightmares. They've had their share of horrible. After all, my boyfriend has an "Ex" for a reason. The kids always get used as a pawn for her benefit. This is an act that we never intend to utilise. We value our kids emotional health above everything. We provide stability and love, and the things above - the encouragement, caring and nurturing along with support. Our aim is the kids health and stability. Not purely our own. This can leave us quite angry with the other party. But from all of the mismanagement that has occurred with the boys, there is the opportunity for negative thoughts to intrude, and the bad dreams to enter. Therefore, the prayer for positive dreams is helpful for their minds, to release them of the worry of bad dreams. All the kids benefit from this nightly prayer.
Being thankful can be easy when you've had hard circumstances. It can be hard when it hurts those that you love. But hardest of all will be finding five new things each day that we are thankful for.
There's some things that stand out above the rest. The ones that the girls and I thank God for every night at bedtime. Thank you God, for a roof over our heads, for food on the table, for the boys and my partner, for nice dreams, and more recently - for warmth.
This last one has come about due to the lack of heating in the place we currently rent. Tasmania is definitely one of the colder spots in Australia. At this time of year, it only takes an hour and a half's drive to go sit in the snow, so it's no wonder our house is cold, and we wear a lot of clothes both inside and out. At some point soon, I will have to tidy up the girls room and put locks on the cupboards so that the panel heater that I'm putting in there will be safe from the potential random clothes that my youngest throws out of the cupboards and all around the room.
The roof over our head began last year with a real estate encounter with miscommunication from their part, and probably ignorance from mine. We left our 1 bedroom unit, to move into a 2 bedroom closer to school, only to have it taken away from me the DAY that I was moving out. We spent 8-9 weeks staying with other people, and eventually even with my boyfriend, even though this is definitely not an ideal situation. We all learned that we need to be thankful that we have a roof over our heads, just in case it was so easily taken away again.
The food on the table is pretty much mandatory in most Christian homes. Nearly everyone says "grace" at meal times. You learn to appreciate food, when all that's left to feed 1 adult and 2 kids for 3 days is a packet of pasta, baked beans, tuna and a can of diced tomatoes. Believe me, you learn. You can learn other skills from this too. Like how to cook, starting with absolute basics.
In the way that we live and the people that we share our lives with when the girls are in my care, we see a lot of my boyfriend and his boys. I don't have a lot of family, especially seeing as when I was 14 we moved from Victoria to Launceston, Tasmania. So my external family is interstate. We've learned to make family out of what we have left. And well, there isn't a lot. But we love what we have. We support, care, nurture and encourage what we have. This, as most people would know, can be difficult, even in positive circumstances.
Lastly, the nice dreams is purely from the boys. They're known for having nightmares. They've had their share of horrible. After all, my boyfriend has an "Ex" for a reason. The kids always get used as a pawn for her benefit. This is an act that we never intend to utilise. We value our kids emotional health above everything. We provide stability and love, and the things above - the encouragement, caring and nurturing along with support. Our aim is the kids health and stability. Not purely our own. This can leave us quite angry with the other party. But from all of the mismanagement that has occurred with the boys, there is the opportunity for negative thoughts to intrude, and the bad dreams to enter. Therefore, the prayer for positive dreams is helpful for their minds, to release them of the worry of bad dreams. All the kids benefit from this nightly prayer.
Being thankful can be easy when you've had hard circumstances. It can be hard when it hurts those that you love. But hardest of all will be finding five new things each day that we are thankful for.
Creativity
I've always been a creative person. I can make something out of nothing, I can fix things easily, mend clothing, make dresses without a pattern, for goodness sake, I even cut my own hair. :) What I lack here, is motivation to firstly start something, then finish the something. It's not that it takes effort (well, most of the time it isn't) or that it is too complicated, it's that it will take over my kitchen table, and the kids and I need that for eating on. I often wonder if I should use my small study desk for meals, and the kitchen table (a 6 seater) can be used for all my craft and creative ideas. Right now, I'm considering this point as to whether it will be useful tonight. I'd like to start a dress that I've designed in my head. It should look fantastic! But the things that stand in my way are childhood memories.
When I was younger, there were a few things that stood out. My mother made calico hoods for powder coaters, jackets and fleece pant sets to sell at the market, anything to make a little extra money, as our childhood wasn't a nice easy smooth run. I remember pins all over the dining room floor, and I have carpet. I remember my mother sitting sewing while listening to the tele, during school holidays that meant keeping away while she was busy to concentrate and work. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, but it's not the best idea for bonding when you have a daughter like me (stubborn and rebellious). My main point is, that during those years, I remember my mum being busy. I rarely spoke to her, or was within her earshot for a positive reason. I don't want that for my kids. I'd like to be creative, but I'd prefer to be a positive influence for my kids. I have a WHOLE WEEK off without my kids, if I feel the need to be creative, I should do it in the time I have available, where it doesn't interrupt normal Monday to Friday life for the kids, take over my lounge room, and make me unavailable to my girls.
I'm looking forward to next week, as I've decided that I need to take a step back from helping everyone else and get myself and my priorities in order. I would like to stay home for about half of it, and sit in my lounge room, doing exactly the above. Leaving pins on the floor accidentally, covering the kitchen table with my creativity (in this case, a sewing machin, a large piece of white satin, and a twisty piece of pale blue chiffon) and making myself unavailable while I concentrate on making a masterpiece. I'm fairly sure my 6 year old will LOVE the time I have devoted to making her a princess dress for the Enchanted Evening. She has an evening in which I can make her feel like my little princess. She can feel treasured, loved and adored, because her mum had made her a stunning dress to go in. Also, on the other hand, I'm fairly sure her mum will like the comments when other parent's ask where I got her dress from.... ;)
When I was younger, there were a few things that stood out. My mother made calico hoods for powder coaters, jackets and fleece pant sets to sell at the market, anything to make a little extra money, as our childhood wasn't a nice easy smooth run. I remember pins all over the dining room floor, and I have carpet. I remember my mother sitting sewing while listening to the tele, during school holidays that meant keeping away while she was busy to concentrate and work. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, but it's not the best idea for bonding when you have a daughter like me (stubborn and rebellious). My main point is, that during those years, I remember my mum being busy. I rarely spoke to her, or was within her earshot for a positive reason. I don't want that for my kids. I'd like to be creative, but I'd prefer to be a positive influence for my kids. I have a WHOLE WEEK off without my kids, if I feel the need to be creative, I should do it in the time I have available, where it doesn't interrupt normal Monday to Friday life for the kids, take over my lounge room, and make me unavailable to my girls.
I'm looking forward to next week, as I've decided that I need to take a step back from helping everyone else and get myself and my priorities in order. I would like to stay home for about half of it, and sit in my lounge room, doing exactly the above. Leaving pins on the floor accidentally, covering the kitchen table with my creativity (in this case, a sewing machin, a large piece of white satin, and a twisty piece of pale blue chiffon) and making myself unavailable while I concentrate on making a masterpiece. I'm fairly sure my 6 year old will LOVE the time I have devoted to making her a princess dress for the Enchanted Evening. She has an evening in which I can make her feel like my little princess. She can feel treasured, loved and adored, because her mum had made her a stunning dress to go in. Also, on the other hand, I'm fairly sure her mum will like the comments when other parent's ask where I got her dress from.... ;)
Monday 23 April 2012
Facebook, Cooking and Ex-Jealousy
I'm a Facebook-aholic. No need to ask a stay at home mum that these days. It must seem to all the men, and fathers out there, that us mum's are always on Facebook, because the housework is definitely never done, the cooking is never perfect (that is, when you cook like me) and the children aren't always perfectly in line. Obviously Facebook is the cause! When I am not at home, I have my trusty iPhone for all my Facebook needs, and sometimes, I may not even post, but I certainly feel like I'm intruding on someone else's life by reading their individual posts. You know, Facebook really does stop conversations. I have noticed this! It's now common to hear "Oh yes, I saw you posted that on Facebook", and there endeth the conversation....
So, anyway, I wanted to present that idea, because I would like to start another idea.... I'd like to be a blog-aholic. The idea has intrigued me more and more for the past few months, as it would be a place to put all my thoughts, ideas and general brain blab, into one slightly organised mess; this being a blog.
The idea was a good one, it seems though, I need to sit and continue to thing of random thought's that actually go together, and flow.
We've come to a conclusion recently, that everything from a packet is bad for you, foodwise. We've gone for the healthier items of these pre-packaged foods, like wholemeal pasta, legumes, beans, never buying white bread. But I tend to ask myself, will it make things better in the end? Will it help the youngest boy's inability to do a solid number two? Will it help the sugar and carbohydrate amount for the one in our family with diabetes? Will it help ME lose the extra 50 kilo's I've been accumulating since my first marriage? More vegetables, fruit twice a day, more protein and fibre.... Is this better than what I was providing on the table every night? Or is it just better than the boys mother?
I have this jealousy issue with their mother. I know she's a lying bitch, who can't keep her story straight, but she see's her kids more that I see my girls. She doesn't pay rent, mortgage, repay a loan, or struggle with school fees and uniforms. She's got enough money to be going to the gym, to take the kids wherever, whenever. New toys every payday. But, when I am ABLE to focus on the positives of what I do have, I can see I have better things than her. I have love. Our kids all love me, my partner loves me - almost endlessly. I have stability - I can provide the same things every week, I don't chop and change everything that I do, I don't change my mind on discipline, I have kids who know that they are loved, and that it will never change. That does not happen for those boys when they go home to their mother. I'm ready to get Welfare on her arse for the things that have happened, just in the last week. :/
Back to the food, are there any great idea's that you've recently tried that your kids actually eat? My girls aren't exactly what you call fussy, but there are things that they will not eat, or try. My eldest HATES carrots. Which I consider quite funny, because I'm happy to eat a raw carrot as a snack... My youngest girls HATES mince. Maybe it's the consistency, or the grittiness, but there's just something to it that makes her refuse to let it past her lips. Pretty much every one in our household doesn't eat pumpkin. I'm yet to try sweet potato on them, as we try to stay away from very starchy foods, but I do often wonder if they'll crack it because they think it's pumpkin. I know I used to! Last week at our mum's group, they showed us how to make lentil burgers. Not my idea of yum, but if I were at someone's house, I wouldn't say no. Better than tofu any day. But I tried adding lentils to our sauce for the wholemeal pasta on Saturday night, and it went down a treat, and no one needed more food during the rest of the night. My partner nearly always has an evening snack/supper to tide him through the night, as he's Diabetic. Most of the time it's just because he's hungry again, so I'm thinking that beans and lentils in dinners should become a must... :)
I'm a very narrow minded cook. A few years ago, the only dishes I had to my name were pasta from a jar, and fried rice. After expanding these, I tried a few more things, and since getting a slow cooker, I've added a few more. I've only tried beef recipes in the slow cooker, if it doesn't have meat of some sort, I find the kids don't touch it. And as soon as it becomes left overs, it might as well go in the bin. We don't look through the fridge for dinner, we plan them, so we try to make exact meals. I have put frozen whole meals in the freezer, and I've looked at them a year later and thought "I could use that container", and simply thrown it's contents out. So, I've basically given up on saving the leftovers. Except for my potato salad. No one's EVER thrown that out. It get's demolished so quickly! :D
So, anyway, I wanted to present that idea, because I would like to start another idea.... I'd like to be a blog-aholic. The idea has intrigued me more and more for the past few months, as it would be a place to put all my thoughts, ideas and general brain blab, into one slightly organised mess; this being a blog.
The idea was a good one, it seems though, I need to sit and continue to thing of random thought's that actually go together, and flow.
We've come to a conclusion recently, that everything from a packet is bad for you, foodwise. We've gone for the healthier items of these pre-packaged foods, like wholemeal pasta, legumes, beans, never buying white bread. But I tend to ask myself, will it make things better in the end? Will it help the youngest boy's inability to do a solid number two? Will it help the sugar and carbohydrate amount for the one in our family with diabetes? Will it help ME lose the extra 50 kilo's I've been accumulating since my first marriage? More vegetables, fruit twice a day, more protein and fibre.... Is this better than what I was providing on the table every night? Or is it just better than the boys mother?
I have this jealousy issue with their mother. I know she's a lying bitch, who can't keep her story straight, but she see's her kids more that I see my girls. She doesn't pay rent, mortgage, repay a loan, or struggle with school fees and uniforms. She's got enough money to be going to the gym, to take the kids wherever, whenever. New toys every payday. But, when I am ABLE to focus on the positives of what I do have, I can see I have better things than her. I have love. Our kids all love me, my partner loves me - almost endlessly. I have stability - I can provide the same things every week, I don't chop and change everything that I do, I don't change my mind on discipline, I have kids who know that they are loved, and that it will never change. That does not happen for those boys when they go home to their mother. I'm ready to get Welfare on her arse for the things that have happened, just in the last week. :/
Back to the food, are there any great idea's that you've recently tried that your kids actually eat? My girls aren't exactly what you call fussy, but there are things that they will not eat, or try. My eldest HATES carrots. Which I consider quite funny, because I'm happy to eat a raw carrot as a snack... My youngest girls HATES mince. Maybe it's the consistency, or the grittiness, but there's just something to it that makes her refuse to let it past her lips. Pretty much every one in our household doesn't eat pumpkin. I'm yet to try sweet potato on them, as we try to stay away from very starchy foods, but I do often wonder if they'll crack it because they think it's pumpkin. I know I used to! Last week at our mum's group, they showed us how to make lentil burgers. Not my idea of yum, but if I were at someone's house, I wouldn't say no. Better than tofu any day. But I tried adding lentils to our sauce for the wholemeal pasta on Saturday night, and it went down a treat, and no one needed more food during the rest of the night. My partner nearly always has an evening snack/supper to tide him through the night, as he's Diabetic. Most of the time it's just because he's hungry again, so I'm thinking that beans and lentils in dinners should become a must... :)
I'm a very narrow minded cook. A few years ago, the only dishes I had to my name were pasta from a jar, and fried rice. After expanding these, I tried a few more things, and since getting a slow cooker, I've added a few more. I've only tried beef recipes in the slow cooker, if it doesn't have meat of some sort, I find the kids don't touch it. And as soon as it becomes left overs, it might as well go in the bin. We don't look through the fridge for dinner, we plan them, so we try to make exact meals. I have put frozen whole meals in the freezer, and I've looked at them a year later and thought "I could use that container", and simply thrown it's contents out. So, I've basically given up on saving the leftovers. Except for my potato salad. No one's EVER thrown that out. It get's demolished so quickly! :D
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