Sometimes old things come to bite you in the bum.
Sometimes they're good things, to help you along that linear path that no one has actually constructed.
Sometimes it's a boring old thing, that doesn't really need dealing with, but it's still there.
But when it's something that comes to bite you in the bum, you have to be wary. You have a few options: Go with the flow; Hide where it came from - no one will know; or RUUUUN!!!
My partner's ex keeps biting us in the bum. Asking for more money, all the time. Don't Child Support get used to it, and tell the women to shut up? I've been on both sides of that coin, and now we're on the we're-too-poor-to-pay-that-amount side. But other than write a report saying just that, there isn't a lot we can do.
Loan's come to bite you in the bum once your divorced. My ex and I cannot settle ours, as I'm a single mum on a pension, there's nothing we can do. And my new partner's loan with his ex is a house loan, and it's not going anywhere until the house is sold, and in this market, it may be a while (fingers crossed it isn't).
Going with the flow is what I do best, you see. I don't stand and demand change, because it makes a scene. I don't like being the centre of attention. I have to be at our mum's group, because I lead some of it. But I'm not all that comfortable all the time. I do like taking charge. But going with the flow and steering - THAT, I am good at.
Our problem at the moment, is constructing how we are going to live on so little while the ex's both live with more. It's something that's both bit us in the bum, and we have to go with the flow to deal with it. Neither of us are the people to stand up for something that can barely be argued, even though we are so angry about what she is asking for, and what a government agency are suggesting we pay. So, going with the flow, even though we want to RUN, is the most likely option.
Ugh.
Monday, 8 October 2012
Thursday, 20 September 2012
Not All Things Lead Home
Somewhere randomly, something went wrong. Whether it was back in the Garden of Eden, or if it was at the point of the first tantrum for not getting what I wanted. Whenever it was, something went wrong. Something made it into my personality, so that I could not in anyway, possibly be perfect. This is not supposed to be a design flaw, but a chance to redeem ourselves in our own lives, and how we interact and react with others.
How does this make our lives easier? Surely everything would be easier for everyone if we were all perfect?
Perfection is something we can always strive for, but rarely achieve.
Being me is a rather hard. I'm a perfectionist, so that my friendships stay together. I get worried and paranoid that I'm going to hurt someone by what I say or do. Or annoy someone by a passing comment, or by something that I do different to them. It's a lot to keep up with. I don't make stable relationships easily, and normally it's with people who are REAL. As in, the one's that make mistakes, and are open about it. The one's that live their lives not giving two hoots about what other people think they are doing. My problem is, I seem to find everyone else shallow.
I've been wondering about aspergers in women. There was an online test where I was in the mid range for having aspergers. The test asked you questions about social situations, and how you understood things and up to 22 was normal, from 23 to 31 was slightly higher than average autistic traits, and 32 and above was showing a high degree of autistic traits. I had 30. Yeah. Go me.
But seriously, I had been suspecting this for years. My friend has said I cannot have it, because I'm nothing like her boys and husband. To be honest, how would a female with Aspergers be different to a male? It's so darn hard to recognise! There are so many things that a female does differently to men. But in all honesty, I feel I just want an excuse to put down the fact that I am so different to anyone else. My biological father is weird, and unsociable. not because he doesn't try, but he doesn't understand that he is so arrogant in what he says. He doesn't understand why what is funny to him isn't funny to anyone else.
My family have always thought I was weird. I didn't fit into their social group, I rarely opened up how I felt or expressed my opinion. I was always going to be wrong anyway. I can still remember when for my 15th birthday, my mother asked me what colour lamp I wanted for my birthday. It was a joke. Everyone in my family knew that I was orange everything. Orange t-shirts, pencil cases, wall paint, etc. So, whilst standing in the middle of Target, my mother is looking at me, jokingly waiting for me to say "Orange", when I turn around and say "Blue". I have NEVER lived that one down. From then on, my mother would randomly think about this very moment, and would on-the-spot turn to me, smack me over the back of the head and comment, "You got the blue one". From then on, I made my own choices. If I was going to get smacked over the back of the head for that decisions, I may as well made the decisions that I want to make, and deal with it.
From making my own decisions, I developed my own taste. I became picky about my clothes, and the colours I like. I hate red and lilac. I refused to wear them, buy pencil cases with those colours on them, lunch boxes, you name it. I think the least used coloured markers out of my connector pen collection are both the lilac and the plain red. Who knew that one little change of mind would lead to such a picky person to buy gifts for?
When buying me a gift, one should know that I buy things for practicality. I don't generally buy someone else an ornament or other, because it has no obvious use. It's just not practical! So as much as it's annoying that I buy boring things, like facial scrub pads in a new brand that I love, or a spiral notebook with your name etched on the front with it's intent labelled underneath, or even a set of headphones that are wireless but ugly, it's because they are useful, and I don't think you'd ever buy it for yourself. In terms of a gift for me, money will suffice, because I'm always after bookcases, I'm always after new notebooks, hairties and candles that smell like vanilla. I love getting new things that I want, or need. It makes me feel like even though I can't buy everything that I want, I can survive on the little necessities that are pretty. But even then you may never know what is right...
My mother still gets notebooks and pens for my presents. Although, now that we are not necessarily speaking, I get red ones. I wonder if I am supposed to be happy with the effort, when I know full well that the media pouch pocket from Smiggle with her much-loved owls on the front is a way better gift that she had attempted for the same Christmas? Does that mean that I should stop trying too? Seriously, I'd prefer the $10 that it would have cost to buy the red notebook and it's pen. Even if it was $5!
If a mother is willing to put the effort into a relationship with her daughter, does that show that all things lead home? Or does it live much to be desired?
How does this make our lives easier? Surely everything would be easier for everyone if we were all perfect?
Perfection is something we can always strive for, but rarely achieve.
Being me is a rather hard. I'm a perfectionist, so that my friendships stay together. I get worried and paranoid that I'm going to hurt someone by what I say or do. Or annoy someone by a passing comment, or by something that I do different to them. It's a lot to keep up with. I don't make stable relationships easily, and normally it's with people who are REAL. As in, the one's that make mistakes, and are open about it. The one's that live their lives not giving two hoots about what other people think they are doing. My problem is, I seem to find everyone else shallow.
I've been wondering about aspergers in women. There was an online test where I was in the mid range for having aspergers. The test asked you questions about social situations, and how you understood things and up to 22 was normal, from 23 to 31 was slightly higher than average autistic traits, and 32 and above was showing a high degree of autistic traits. I had 30. Yeah. Go me.
But seriously, I had been suspecting this for years. My friend has said I cannot have it, because I'm nothing like her boys and husband. To be honest, how would a female with Aspergers be different to a male? It's so darn hard to recognise! There are so many things that a female does differently to men. But in all honesty, I feel I just want an excuse to put down the fact that I am so different to anyone else. My biological father is weird, and unsociable. not because he doesn't try, but he doesn't understand that he is so arrogant in what he says. He doesn't understand why what is funny to him isn't funny to anyone else.
My family have always thought I was weird. I didn't fit into their social group, I rarely opened up how I felt or expressed my opinion. I was always going to be wrong anyway. I can still remember when for my 15th birthday, my mother asked me what colour lamp I wanted for my birthday. It was a joke. Everyone in my family knew that I was orange everything. Orange t-shirts, pencil cases, wall paint, etc. So, whilst standing in the middle of Target, my mother is looking at me, jokingly waiting for me to say "Orange", when I turn around and say "Blue". I have NEVER lived that one down. From then on, my mother would randomly think about this very moment, and would on-the-spot turn to me, smack me over the back of the head and comment, "You got the blue one". From then on, I made my own choices. If I was going to get smacked over the back of the head for that decisions, I may as well made the decisions that I want to make, and deal with it.
From making my own decisions, I developed my own taste. I became picky about my clothes, and the colours I like. I hate red and lilac. I refused to wear them, buy pencil cases with those colours on them, lunch boxes, you name it. I think the least used coloured markers out of my connector pen collection are both the lilac and the plain red. Who knew that one little change of mind would lead to such a picky person to buy gifts for?
When buying me a gift, one should know that I buy things for practicality. I don't generally buy someone else an ornament or other, because it has no obvious use. It's just not practical! So as much as it's annoying that I buy boring things, like facial scrub pads in a new brand that I love, or a spiral notebook with your name etched on the front with it's intent labelled underneath, or even a set of headphones that are wireless but ugly, it's because they are useful, and I don't think you'd ever buy it for yourself. In terms of a gift for me, money will suffice, because I'm always after bookcases, I'm always after new notebooks, hairties and candles that smell like vanilla. I love getting new things that I want, or need. It makes me feel like even though I can't buy everything that I want, I can survive on the little necessities that are pretty. But even then you may never know what is right...
My mother still gets notebooks and pens for my presents. Although, now that we are not necessarily speaking, I get red ones. I wonder if I am supposed to be happy with the effort, when I know full well that the media pouch pocket from Smiggle with her much-loved owls on the front is a way better gift that she had attempted for the same Christmas? Does that mean that I should stop trying too? Seriously, I'd prefer the $10 that it would have cost to buy the red notebook and it's pen. Even if it was $5!
If a mother is willing to put the effort into a relationship with her daughter, does that show that all things lead home? Or does it live much to be desired?
Tuesday, 22 May 2012
Fictional Justice
I just want to say fuck
fuck fuck it. I’ve just finished a Jodi Picoult book, and while
they are interesting and intruiging, the endings are just about the
winning of the court case. I want to know what happened to the girl.
Seriously. What’s so hard about wanting to know about that? Because
sometimes in life things don’t get fully explained? That’s what I
want out of life though, for things to be fully explained. Just the
way I like them.
It isn’t too hard to
fully explain all the details in a book, nor on paper form for
anything. But I suppose in the justice system, things go unexplained.
I’d hate to be a lawyer for that reason. The thought of not being
told the whole truth isn’t fathomable for me. It’s just the way I
am built. Seriously. If you can’t follow the common rules of
respect for another, there need be no more respect shared between two
people. Maybe that’s another reason why my marriage failed. There
was no communication, so there was no truth, no story told. No
background. Therefore no respect to be given.
This book didn’t even
have a happy ending. After 18 years of friendship between 4 adults
and their kids, everything was thrown away. EVERYTHING. I would hope
that there was something to grasp on after such an event of a
daughter trying to commit suicide. But the boyfriend didn’t try to
pull the trigger, it was the girl who did it. But still, I want to
know more.
I also know that I’m
more frustrated now than I was before I finished the book. The ending
is SHIT. Don’t want to buy another fucken book like that, cause I
don’t want another disappointing ending that’s going to fail my
scrutiny. My high standards. That’s what’s wrong with me, isn’t
it? High standards? High expectations?
Things that I can’t
control. Will they be the death of me? It’s like this “learning
curve” of myself is actually doing my head in. I don’t have any
time to think for myself, because there is no time left! Please.... A
day to me! Sleep in for a bit. Tidy up the house a bit, and watch a
whole movie, uninterrupted. Like hell. Lock the front door, leave the
curtains closed, turn off the phone and watch a movie. That’s the
answer, but it’s not my answer. I feel like I’m on call 24/7, but
just to everyone else? What’s going on with me? It’s it possible
to turn off my phone, but then again, there’s a better question to
ask... Is it possible for me to have friends? I don’t trust them
for long enough. Or is it something else? Back to the “high
standards” we go.... :/
I’m upset, because I
really wanted this book to end with a “why” too the main
character wanting to commit suicide. Was it sexual abuse? Because I
think it was, but it doesn’t go into it, and personally, I wish it
did. Perverted as that sounds, I feel that that is a justified reason
for such a problem to become so catastrophic. Ludicrous.
Counselling starts next
week for me. I know that it’s a positive thing, but I’ll have to
remember to be real, instead of looking all happy clappy every week.
That doesn’t work, and it doesn’t achieve anything. I need
someone to know about my daily thought processes, and someone to know
that there are things that I find hard to not think, feel and believe
on a day to day basis.
I feel like life
friggen sucks right now. How will my world ever go on, if there is no
solid justice in it?
Friday, 18 May 2012
Primary Stress
After another night of not really sleeping much, I figured I could write about stress.
The things that plague me the most are what people say about me behind my back, the second most is the kids, in particular the boys, and then the care I get with the girls. Other things are money, because no matter how well I budget, I'm always short for the supermarket.
Generally in the last few fortnights, I've spent about $70-$120 in groceries at Coles, then I've gone to the fruit n veg market for $30 ish, then Kmart for basics, like clothes, bras etc. believe me, I'm desperate for the bras and the jeans at the moment. 3/4 pants in Tasmanian autumn is a KILLER. Other than that, my expenditure is rent, phone, electricity and my pet hatred, the loan that I have with my ex-husband. It's currently sitting on $22,144 owing. Yeah. That aint no small amount. When I subtract 6 thou from that, so that my ex pays for the car, then half the remaining amount to 8 thou, that's what I owe. And it isn't going anywhere soon.
The amount of care I get with my girls plagues me, simply because I feel like I never see them, and when I do, I'm always stressed. My partner and I have always agreed that Saturdays we will see our own kids separately to the other person, for one on one time, the only thing is, with the girls, this is the only day I see them out of school anyway! So, he normally comes along at some point, but we make a point of it for his kids, because they need the daddy time. Long story short, their mother is constantly saying nasty things to them about me, and they feel like daddy is going to leave them for me, so they need extra time with him.
I wont start about the boys, because that could take a few blogs of me whinging about his ex, houses and money, but I'll just say, we are grateful for the 5 days a fortnight that we get to prove that those kids are good kids, when they are given boundaries and good nutrition. It really isn't that hard, but it seems to be for the one who doesn't have any responsibility.
Thank God, that He gave me a decent brain, and I know how to use it.
The things that plague me the most are what people say about me behind my back, the second most is the kids, in particular the boys, and then the care I get with the girls. Other things are money, because no matter how well I budget, I'm always short for the supermarket.
Generally in the last few fortnights, I've spent about $70-$120 in groceries at Coles, then I've gone to the fruit n veg market for $30 ish, then Kmart for basics, like clothes, bras etc. believe me, I'm desperate for the bras and the jeans at the moment. 3/4 pants in Tasmanian autumn is a KILLER. Other than that, my expenditure is rent, phone, electricity and my pet hatred, the loan that I have with my ex-husband. It's currently sitting on $22,144 owing. Yeah. That aint no small amount. When I subtract 6 thou from that, so that my ex pays for the car, then half the remaining amount to 8 thou, that's what I owe. And it isn't going anywhere soon.
The amount of care I get with my girls plagues me, simply because I feel like I never see them, and when I do, I'm always stressed. My partner and I have always agreed that Saturdays we will see our own kids separately to the other person, for one on one time, the only thing is, with the girls, this is the only day I see them out of school anyway! So, he normally comes along at some point, but we make a point of it for his kids, because they need the daddy time. Long story short, their mother is constantly saying nasty things to them about me, and they feel like daddy is going to leave them for me, so they need extra time with him.
I wont start about the boys, because that could take a few blogs of me whinging about his ex, houses and money, but I'll just say, we are grateful for the 5 days a fortnight that we get to prove that those kids are good kids, when they are given boundaries and good nutrition. It really isn't that hard, but it seems to be for the one who doesn't have any responsibility.
Thank God, that He gave me a decent brain, and I know how to use it.
Thursday, 17 May 2012
When I grow up....
I've always struggled with the "what I want to be when I grow up" question. I've never settled for anything longer than a month or two, except maybe last year when I started uni, which lasted 3 months and I didn't even do any subjects that were going to progress me to get into Nursing. The question has been asked of me, if I had all the time and money in the world, what would I do with myself? For me, the answer was always the same thing: Buy tons or build tons of houses, and rent them out to people that really can't afford to pay the rent they need to (like myself now, and for the last 9 years) so that they can live in a decent house, with space and necessities, instead of being cramped in a 3 bedroom house for people with say, more than 4 kids.... People have challenged the idea, "How will you know who is going to actually take care of it, who will always pay their rent. How will you discern who is worthy?" Well, that's the thing. I've always been a discerning person. Not very many times am I wrong. Sometimes I'll go against my own judgement for the friendship, which I've done twice in the last 3 years, but otherwise, I can normally judge a book by it's cover and a 5 minute chat. Hehehe.
Sure, my plan has flaws; actually having this money, how and where am I going to build/buy/renovate. My point is, I want to give to people what I don't already have. I've lived without a decent low-price rental for so long, I wonder WHY Housing (Department of,) haven't rang me already and said "we have a house for you! I've always given away things that other people don't have, and it was definitely a little scary last year when I left my ex-husband and started my own life without him. I had nothing except a blow up mattress, and some of my clothes. Eventually, I accumulated the necessities, ie a fridge, beds for the girls, and eventually a bed for me, but my point was, I didn't know what to do or where to go to get stuff, and after all the things I had given away, I didn't receive anything back (until 8 months later, I got a couch).
Now, what I am doing towards what I want to be when I grow up, isn't nearly enough to accomplish this mean feat. I've tried to establish being a person who gives more than what she has, and that has landed me in a place where I spent more time helping others than say... washing my own hair. Oops. I've started to sell my extra things really cheaply to people that need it, and this helps when I post it on Gumtree. But I never know when it's going to bounce back. Sometimes I get really negative about it all, sometimes I'm happy to soldier on. Sometimes I just need some damn help, and there's no one there.
At the moment, I'm doing things that keep me sane. I LOVE helping out at my daughter's school in the uniform shop. There's like, an appreciation there for what I do, what things I achieve, and how it makes everyone elses lives easier. I like organising things when I'm not necessarily asked, but when I see a need. BUT once you ask me, it becomes a chore. Something that I hate doing. I'm happy to go out of my way to help someone who doesn't usually ask, but when my partner says, "Can you come over and do the dishes for me today, I don't have the time", it makes me cringe while I do.... half the dishes, and leave the rest in the sink to soak.
I'm looking forward to getting my hands dirty when we renovate our own house. I'm looking forward to making something with my own hands, that's in accordance with a plan. What I'm not looking forward to is my lack of motivation when I don't know exactly what I'm doing; my lack of energy when I have a task so big ahead of me that I don't feel I can accomplish it. But I'm looking forward to a finished product, of which, I will never be.
Sure, my plan has flaws; actually having this money, how and where am I going to build/buy/renovate. My point is, I want to give to people what I don't already have. I've lived without a decent low-price rental for so long, I wonder WHY Housing (Department of,) haven't rang me already and said "we have a house for you! I've always given away things that other people don't have, and it was definitely a little scary last year when I left my ex-husband and started my own life without him. I had nothing except a blow up mattress, and some of my clothes. Eventually, I accumulated the necessities, ie a fridge, beds for the girls, and eventually a bed for me, but my point was, I didn't know what to do or where to go to get stuff, and after all the things I had given away, I didn't receive anything back (until 8 months later, I got a couch).
Now, what I am doing towards what I want to be when I grow up, isn't nearly enough to accomplish this mean feat. I've tried to establish being a person who gives more than what she has, and that has landed me in a place where I spent more time helping others than say... washing my own hair. Oops. I've started to sell my extra things really cheaply to people that need it, and this helps when I post it on Gumtree. But I never know when it's going to bounce back. Sometimes I get really negative about it all, sometimes I'm happy to soldier on. Sometimes I just need some damn help, and there's no one there.
At the moment, I'm doing things that keep me sane. I LOVE helping out at my daughter's school in the uniform shop. There's like, an appreciation there for what I do, what things I achieve, and how it makes everyone elses lives easier. I like organising things when I'm not necessarily asked, but when I see a need. BUT once you ask me, it becomes a chore. Something that I hate doing. I'm happy to go out of my way to help someone who doesn't usually ask, but when my partner says, "Can you come over and do the dishes for me today, I don't have the time", it makes me cringe while I do.... half the dishes, and leave the rest in the sink to soak.
I'm looking forward to getting my hands dirty when we renovate our own house. I'm looking forward to making something with my own hands, that's in accordance with a plan. What I'm not looking forward to is my lack of motivation when I don't know exactly what I'm doing; my lack of energy when I have a task so big ahead of me that I don't feel I can accomplish it. But I'm looking forward to a finished product, of which, I will never be.
Hump days....
Bit of an up-in-the-air day today. Nothing really note-worthy happened, yet here I am, posting like I've got something important to say. But I don't.
I've realised that Wednesday is the best day for me to argue. I seem to have realised that on Wednesdays, I wait until my partner gets home, or to where ever I am, and I lay it on thick. I complain about his driving more when we go out, and generally have a go about something and get shirty. But why?
I've been doing an Alpha course for the past 10 weeks, and while it has helped me discover some amazing things that I haven't really taken notice of before, it really has become a huge strain on my week to week life. On my week with the kids, it's difficult, because I have to make sure everything is ready so I can go out at 7pm, and on the week that I don't have the kids, I've already been so busy, that all I want to do is go home to bed.
Wednesday's are hump day for people who work, people who have kids at school etc, but I'm struggling to keep it together by the time I get to it. On one week, I've been out all day, and helping at the school uniform shop, and on the other week, I've dropped my eldest at school, my youngest at daycare, and it's the last time we see the boys for the rest of the fortnight.
I think, to my disgust, even after cutting a lot of the helping out others that I have been over doing in my life, I find that I'm still too busy too keep up with myself, and I'm exhausted. The stress is beginning to me more than just too much, and I need a break.
Melbourne.
In two weeks, my partner and I are going to Melbourne for a one week - kid free holiday. Hopefully, this has enough down time to cure the extra stress....?
I've realised that Wednesday is the best day for me to argue. I seem to have realised that on Wednesdays, I wait until my partner gets home, or to where ever I am, and I lay it on thick. I complain about his driving more when we go out, and generally have a go about something and get shirty. But why?
I've been doing an Alpha course for the past 10 weeks, and while it has helped me discover some amazing things that I haven't really taken notice of before, it really has become a huge strain on my week to week life. On my week with the kids, it's difficult, because I have to make sure everything is ready so I can go out at 7pm, and on the week that I don't have the kids, I've already been so busy, that all I want to do is go home to bed.
Wednesday's are hump day for people who work, people who have kids at school etc, but I'm struggling to keep it together by the time I get to it. On one week, I've been out all day, and helping at the school uniform shop, and on the other week, I've dropped my eldest at school, my youngest at daycare, and it's the last time we see the boys for the rest of the fortnight.
I think, to my disgust, even after cutting a lot of the helping out others that I have been over doing in my life, I find that I'm still too busy too keep up with myself, and I'm exhausted. The stress is beginning to me more than just too much, and I need a break.
Melbourne.
In two weeks, my partner and I are going to Melbourne for a one week - kid free holiday. Hopefully, this has enough down time to cure the extra stress....?
Monday, 30 April 2012
Week On, Week Off, Week On, Week Off
It's off week, in my house, and it's quiet, cold, and bare. The kids room is tidy for it's longest consecutive time in a month, and the freshly made cupcakes haven't been demolished. There's no need to worry about the school pick-up 20 minutes ago, and the 3 year old isn't craving my attention. Yep, it's DEFINITELY off week.
When we started the arrangement between the two houses, our head-spaces were shot with what was going to happen, the gossip of what had happened, and what we were to do here and now. We sorted an arrangement that best suited our girls, and we decided that no matter what crap happened between us, they would always be a priority.
It's the things that we didn't fine tune are the things that are plaguing me the most. I really want 2 weekend days for the girls and myself. I really want to spend all of mother's day with my kids. I don't want to wait until the school holidays to have a few hours of one on one time with my eldest. And I think that Sunday to Sunday only suits the opposing parent in this situation. From my perspective, Friday to Friday would be better for the kids. A weekend with the parent that they are about to spend the week with sounds like a better alternative to Sunday evening til Friday evening of the school house shuffle, THEN the weekend to have family time. But, because I'm the only one who see's this, I'm wrong. How lovely is that? And if I want it, I have to fight for it.
I wonder in the years to come, if my eldest will ask why we never spent time at Mummy's house on a Sunday? What will my answer be? Because your Father and his family decided that you couldn't? Geez, won't that be fun....
The week on, week off idea is a good one for parents who can easily communicate through their differences. So, obviously this doesn't work in the case of my partner and his ex, who cannot agree with anything if he does. Even down to who makes sure his kids wash their hands after the toilet, it has to be him. What rights does a mother actually have, when the children are in their father's care? I believe the problem that is actually occurring in this instance is the ex's insane jealousy.
More than a year ago, my partner was kicked out of the home he had almost finished building, because his wife had gotten annoyed, got into yet another argument, and blamed it on other people. She had said, it's either me and the kids, or your family, not both. He had said no, it wasn't up to her whether he saw his family or not, especially when they had done nothing wrong. Within weeks, she had started stories about the family "abusing" HER children, inappropriate touching between their (married) Aunt and Uncle, and how they had smacked her children without her permission (they didn't). Unfortunately, what she did not realise was that a LOT of people knew this family, and not one person even remotely believed her. A year later, she's removed all of the mutual friends from Facebook, bitches to anyone about her ex, that he left her for another woman. In the time that my partner and I have been together, there has always been a dramatic episode going on for her. About mid last year, I remember her saying that she's so sick, she might be dying soon. Munchausen's if you ask me! It's always one thing after another. There is always a problem, never a nice thing to say, and from my point of view, the children are ALWAYS in better care when they are within our responsibility.
Still, my point is week about isn't for every family, but it suits us fairly well.
When we started the arrangement between the two houses, our head-spaces were shot with what was going to happen, the gossip of what had happened, and what we were to do here and now. We sorted an arrangement that best suited our girls, and we decided that no matter what crap happened between us, they would always be a priority.
It's the things that we didn't fine tune are the things that are plaguing me the most. I really want 2 weekend days for the girls and myself. I really want to spend all of mother's day with my kids. I don't want to wait until the school holidays to have a few hours of one on one time with my eldest. And I think that Sunday to Sunday only suits the opposing parent in this situation. From my perspective, Friday to Friday would be better for the kids. A weekend with the parent that they are about to spend the week with sounds like a better alternative to Sunday evening til Friday evening of the school house shuffle, THEN the weekend to have family time. But, because I'm the only one who see's this, I'm wrong. How lovely is that? And if I want it, I have to fight for it.
I wonder in the years to come, if my eldest will ask why we never spent time at Mummy's house on a Sunday? What will my answer be? Because your Father and his family decided that you couldn't? Geez, won't that be fun....
The week on, week off idea is a good one for parents who can easily communicate through their differences. So, obviously this doesn't work in the case of my partner and his ex, who cannot agree with anything if he does. Even down to who makes sure his kids wash their hands after the toilet, it has to be him. What rights does a mother actually have, when the children are in their father's care? I believe the problem that is actually occurring in this instance is the ex's insane jealousy.
More than a year ago, my partner was kicked out of the home he had almost finished building, because his wife had gotten annoyed, got into yet another argument, and blamed it on other people. She had said, it's either me and the kids, or your family, not both. He had said no, it wasn't up to her whether he saw his family or not, especially when they had done nothing wrong. Within weeks, she had started stories about the family "abusing" HER children, inappropriate touching between their (married) Aunt and Uncle, and how they had smacked her children without her permission (they didn't). Unfortunately, what she did not realise was that a LOT of people knew this family, and not one person even remotely believed her. A year later, she's removed all of the mutual friends from Facebook, bitches to anyone about her ex, that he left her for another woman. In the time that my partner and I have been together, there has always been a dramatic episode going on for her. About mid last year, I remember her saying that she's so sick, she might be dying soon. Munchausen's if you ask me! It's always one thing after another. There is always a problem, never a nice thing to say, and from my point of view, the children are ALWAYS in better care when they are within our responsibility.
Still, my point is week about isn't for every family, but it suits us fairly well.
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